A piece of writing from

MOTHER TRINIDAD DE LA SANTA MADRE IGLESIA,

from the 25th of June, 1982. Title:

I LOVE YOU, JESUS

An extract from Booklet No. 10 – Collection: “Light in the night. The mystery of Faith given with loving wisdom.”

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I love You, Jesus, as in my early years; without the brilliance of that youth, but with the unconditional surrender of a life loaded with mysteries and sealed by the lack of understanding and the contempt of those who are not You.

I love You, Jesus, because You are the centre of my existence, the whole of my life and the breathing, although now puffing, of my heart.

I love You, Jesus, because You are all that I desire and my sole reason for being. Without You, without my times before the tabernacle leaning on Your chest, without the vibration of the marrow of my spirit which has me only and always centred on the untiring search for Your glory, and without the nostalgia of Your definitive encounter, what would become of me…?!

I seek You because I have You, but not in the way I long for You. I need Your pervasive closeness, gaze of loving explanation, Your silenced smile that shows to me the tortuous paths of my journey, ever seeking the fulfilment of Your will.

I sigh for You, Jesus of my soul, because only when I am in You, I find myself in my centre. You are the happiness of my enamoured heart, the fullness of the love of my extolled chest, the craving of my life enthralled by the contemplation of Your face penetrated by infinite splendours.

I love You, Jesus of mine, because You are the Spouse of my soul of virgin-mother, saturated and pierced by pain in the land of incomprehension, of sin because of the absence of God.

I look for You everywhere and, if I always find You, it is because there where I call for You, You are waiting for me with Your cross in a Gethsemane which speaks to me of Eternity…

You know, Jesus of my tabernacle, how and how much I do need You, and how and how much I do have You, and how and how much I do miss You, and how and how much I do call You, and how and how much I do loss You, and how and how much I do call for You and I do have You in the nights of my terrible desolation…!

You now, because You are the Infinite Wisdom, the most recondite reality of the marrow of my being, and penetrating the whys of my life almost annihilated by the incomprehensions of my silences, You offer me, from Your Silence, the understanding of Your love in the transcendent mystery of the Eucharist…

I love You, Jesus, in a love that is my entire life in loves of self-surrender, in renunciations loaded with sorrows, in nostalgias sealed by the secret, in urgencies that demand the extension of Kingdom by the conquest of Your eternal plans fulfilled throughout the ages by means of all those whom you chose for Yourself.

My existing, my living, my remaining silent, my struggling, my waiting and even my dying, is only love for the Jesus of my tabernacle, for the Spouse of my heart, for the Master of my youth, of my maturity and of my old age.

He is the whole in my life, and my life is solely and all for Him… That is why, when I lose Him, I get lost and I cry out like the hind torn and parched for the cooling waters of the crystalline stream…

I love You, Jesus, as only You know and as, somehow, I also know it. And because I love You I am ready, with Your strength, to follow You always, and even to wait for You, if due to an impossibility You should thus ask me, however long the ages endure, in light or in darkness, in triumph or in apparent failure, in the company of those whom I love or in solitude without them all.

You alone are my all and, for me, in You and by You, all things have their strength, their sense and their reason for being. To seek in You and in all whom You have entrusted to me, to do Your will and give You glory, is the sole exigency of my enamoured heart and consecrated in total and unconditional self-surrender to Your infinite love from my youth, doing all that You request for me.

I do need Your light, because I am parched waiting for Your encounter…; but I wait for You calmly for as long as You wish, because the love that I have for You is above my experiences regarding the way You act on me.

I love You as You may love me and as You may want to give Yourself to me, because I seek not my glory or my joy, but Yours.

I understood, from my early years of consecrating myself to You, that my life had only one meaning: to give rest to You, to make You smile; to make others happy with the fullness of Your life, and to end the race of my pilgrimage, exhausted by a life loaded with travails, after the conquest of being in everything and always only glory for You.

I already know, Jesus of my loves, about my struggles and conquests, about clear days and prolonged nights, about splendours of Glory on Tabor and devastating Gethsemanes. I have already enjoyed what is to rejoice at Your Life and to die for sake of being Church in constant destruction for the conquest of Your Kingdom. And I already know, above all, that my way of giving glory to You, which is the only thing that I seek after in my existence, is to cling in all and always with the greatest joy and the strength that I can, to that with Your will may be pointing out to me in my disposition, my posture and my life-style. Therefore, from the depth of my being, in the marrow of my spirit, I seek nothing but Your glory how and where You want me to be, even though I may die in the irresistible nostalgia for Your definitive encounter…

I only yearn for and need, in order to be happy, to be as You want me to be and to know that I am the way You may want to keep me.

I love You, Jesus of mine, and today it comes out of my soul to tell You so, because I need to listen to it and I also need You to listen to me so. Although You and me already know it…!

Thank You Jesus, because I love You this way, which is the glorious triumph of love in the destruction of a life as a loving response of my gift to Your love…

Mother Trinidad de la Santa Madre Iglesia